Name
by perishedlove
Summary: Sesshomaru thinks about how Inuyasha left him and why. Then Inuyasha suddenly shows up only to tell Sesshomaru what he didn't want to hear. Can Inuyasha forgive Sesshomaru? InuSess Incest YAOI ONESHOT


It was a bit hard at first. Hard to endure being without you, hard to imagine that you'd really left me and really did hate me. Even though I only put on another one of my emotionless masks when anyone asked me about your absence. I could only respond by saying you left, but you told me you'd come back.

That part was true though. You did tell me you'd come back. Even though I lowered myself to your level to beg and plead with you not to leave, the day you left I didn't do a thing to stop you. Part of me thought I knew you weren't coming back. Another part of me told me not to worry and that you'd come back soon. And another part of me knew why you weren't coming back.

_**And even though the moment passed me by  
I still can't turn away…**_

You used to be so fussy about a certain topic. I never really called you by your real name. You brought this to my attention numerous times saying, 'Why do you have to call me brother, or mate, or half breed? Just say my name! Please!' I never could though. It was so foreign, it was like I was accepting him, and I couldn't do that. So I kept calling him something else. Heavens knows he left because I'm stubborn.

Why couldn't I say it? I don't know. 'Why?' you ask me, 'Why?' I wonder myself.

But could I believe you? You were my mate, of course I could. I trusted you with my life. I trusted you with my whole heart. And no matter what you did, I knew that trust would never fade from me. But I was young and stupid when we'd mated. I couldn't have known what problems lay ahead of us and I certainly didn't know what pain they would bring me.

_**'Cause all the dreams you never thought you'd lose  
Got tossed along the way…**_

But…I still hoped. I hoped for so long that you would return to me. To your rightful era. Yes, you were with that stupid human girl. You thought I didn't know, but I'm not as dim as I used to be. You've been in her era for years now. I refused to subordinate myself to count how many years have gone by though. I only know that it's been too long.

It's been so long that our bond is beginning to fade. I can no longer feel what you are now and I can't even tell if you need me. I doubt you do. You seemed more then happy to leave me. Do you really love her more than me, brother? Could you? Would you? But why?

Right now, the only thought running through my mind is something that doesn't really make sense that I would think it… 'I never meant to do what I did to make you hate me so. Could you forgive me for whatever I did and come home?' Why would I want him to come back? I don't want him anyway…but then I do.

_**And letters that you never meant to send  
Get lost and thrown away…**_

I sighed when my mind registered what my servant was trying to tell me. He said something like 'Lord Inuyasha has returned, my lord, and he asks for your presence.' My eyes narrowed in mock annoyance, but my heart did some sort of flip inside me at this news. My body was well trained. I soon found my feet carry me to the door to his room, well, what used to be his room I guess.

I didn't feel the need to knock considering this was my castle, so I walked in slowly and shut the door behind me. And then I stopped breathing.

_**And now we're grown up orphans  
That never knew their names…**_

My brother sat on the silk sheets of the bed, his hand coming out to smooth down imaginary bumps. His golden eyes were downcast and his silver hair swayed into his tan face a bit. When he heard the door close I suppose it snapped him from whatever thoughts he had been entrapped in for he looked up at me stunned and then smiled a weak, yet so beautiful and familiar, smile.

He got up from his seat and ran to me, throwing his arms around my neck in a hug. Before I could put my mask and act on, I found myself hugging back even tighter than him. We both loosened our grip, but just enough to get a look at each other. He'd become much taller and had much more muscle than before. His hair was longer and seemed even more appealing than before to touch.

I couldn't help the temptation as I ran my hands through his hair, over his cheeks and lips, over his body. I placed a light kiss on his forehead and then an even lighter one upon his lips. But I got no response from him at all.

"Sesshomaru," He said pushing us apart, "I need to speak with you." I immediately knew what was coming. He wanted to stay with the ningen girl.

_**We don't belong to no one  
That's a shame…**_

My heart instantly broke and I turned away from him so I wouldn't have to look at what I'd lost. And when I spoke, I tried to put on my normal icy tone, but somehow it didn't sound the same. "Yes, brother? What do you want?"

His eyes looked to the floor again. "Well, I just don't want you to be angry with me, Aniki." My eyes widened. It was coming.

"Why would I hold harsh feelings like those against you, brother?" My voice was already beginning to choke. It felt like I couldn't even breathe when I spoke to him.

_**But you can hide beside me  
Maybe for a while  
And I won't tell no one your name  
And I won't tell em' your name…**_

"I guess, but…" He paused. I knew what was coming next. "Sesshomaru…" Oh don't say my name like that! You know I still want you. Don't make my name sound like goodbye. Don't do this to me! "I want to stay in Kagome's era. I want to live in her time with her."

He didn't say it defiantly like there was no room for argument. He said it more out of shame and fear. He didn't want me to hurt him and he didn't want to shame his name by breaking our bond as mates, but that's what we were going to do. We would be separated. Forever.

_**And scars are souvenirs you never lose  
The past is never far…**_

I took a step backward to steady myself as I felt a flood of emotions swim through me at once. I didn't bother with the mask. He's seen me like this before; when he asked me to be his mate.

My voice suddenly found it's way to my mouth and words began to tumble out. "I…I don't want you to leave…" It was soft at first, but then a rush of anger came up. "You can't come back after all these years just to say you're going back again for good! We're mates! We decided that long ago! I refuse to shame my name by breaking our bond we share! You are my mate and I won't stand for-"

_**Did you lose yourself somewhere out there  
Did you get to be a star…**_

I was then caught off guard and lost my train of thought. He was looking at me. He was looking at me in hate. Now I'd had people despise my very existence, but never him. Not him. I couldn't handle it if it were him.

"I'm sorry…" It was soft again. "You're right. It's your choice and I have no place in the matter." 'Lies.' I thought. "Go." I waved my arm toward the door to show him he could leave. Forever.

He smiled at me then. A smile of contentment. Well, if he could not be happy with me, I might as well make him happy somewhere else. 'But come back sometime.' I prayed.

_**And don't it make you sad to know that life  
Is more than who we are…**_

He hugged me once again and ran for the door, stopping right before he ran through and away to say something. "Sesshomaru…I do still think of you as a mate. I am still in love, but I've just found someone who I love more and who makes me even happier. I'm sorry I had to do this to you. It never should have happened. Good bye…"

He was suddenly out the door and I couldn't smell his intoxicating smell anymore. I couldn't feel his aura in the room. I instantly ran outside the room to call him back down the hallway.

_**We grew up way too fast  
And now there's nothing to believe…**_

He turned around in surprise and walked back to me slowly. As soon as he was near enough I wrapped my arms around him and breathed in his scent one more time. One more time before I had to let him go…With my arms still in place I suddenly found the courage to say, "I love you too. More than you'll ever know. And if you're going to leave, come back again. I'll miss you…Inuyasha."

For some reason, I suddenly wasn't afraid to tell my brother how much I would miss him; how much I cared for him. I wanted him to know that I finally accepted him and that he was more than fit to be my mate. I wanted him to know that I desperately needed him to stay by my side. I wanted to say his name over and over again while telling him other sweet nothings. But that wouldn't bring him back, now would it?

_**And reruns all become our history  
A tired song keeps playing on a tired radio…**_

Before I could conjure up something else to say, he had pushed farther into my embrace and planted a light kiss upon my lips. I was startled by the kiss at first, but soon responded with a soft push of my own. And when we pulled away…

His eyes were filled with something I've only seen a few times from him. His true feelings for me. His eyes sparkled with love and care and maybe even a trace of lust. He nuzzled his head into my neck and sighed deeply. It was his way of saying everything I'd just stated back to me. He was happy I'd said his name. So very happy. And that was all I could do for him right now.

_**And I won't tell no one your name  
And I won't tell em' your name  
I won't tell em' your name  
Mmm, mmm, mmm…**_

My arms unconsciously wrapped him up tighter and held him closer to me as his head rest on my shoulder. No one had to know about this. I could just keep saying he would come back to those who ask. I think it would be too painful for me to tell the truth to anyone right now for me anyway.

And then we parted. He let go, his arms gliding over mine as we increased the space between us almost in slow motion. He turned around, walking away, reaching the end of the hallway, and turning the corner out of my sites now.

_**I won't tell em' your name…**_

I quickly ran to my room and onto the balcony that was connected to it. And then I watched him run through the gardens below, through the gates, and out onto the Western Lands, never even looking back to meet my gaze once. I watched him until he was out of my watch again. And then it seemed the world fell upon my heart, crushing it along with my hopes. I turned away from the rest of the world and leaned on the banister.

I felt something I'd never felt before then. True sadness. He was my brother, my mate, and I just lost him to some human girl. My one true mate, well, what I thought was my true mate. I suddenly broke down, falling to my knees and hanging my head while running my hands angrily through my hair every so often.

_**I think about you all the time  
But I don't need the same…**_

Deep down in my heart, I knew I loved him more than anything. And somewhere in my mind, it told me he loved me too. And I could make him happy by letting him go. So that's what I did. I let him go.

My only coherent thought that crossed my mind and echoed in it for the rest of my days was this: 'Be happy, so happy little brother…Inuyasha…'

And you know what? He did come back eventually; he'd never lie. He came back to comfort me and accompany me as I passed on to the next world. He was by my side again in the end at last.

**_It's lonely where you are come back down,  
And I won't tell em your name…_**

**_

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-PL

I'd forgotten just how much I liked this one...While I read over it, part of me was hoping they'd end up together and it would be happy. Then I remembered that my old writing style didn't leave room for that.


End file.
